To be a scientist is to be naive. We are so focused on our search for truth, we fail to consider how few actually want us to find it. But it is always there, whether we see it or not, whether we choose to or not. The truth doesn’t care about our needs or wants. It doesn’t care about our governments, our ideologies, our religions. It will lie in wait, for all time. And this, at last, is the gift of Chernobyl. Where I once would fear the cost of truth, now I only ask: What is the cost of lies?

There’s a dark side to each and every human soul. We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi, and for the most part we are, but there’s a little Darth Vader in all of us. Thing is, this ain’t no either-or proposition. We’re talking about dialectics, the good and the bad merging into us. You can run but you can’t hide. My experience? Face the darkness. Stare it down. Own it. As brother Nietzsche said, being human is a complicated gig. So give that ol’ dark night of the soul a hug. Howl the eternal yes!

July 13, 5:00 P.M. En route. The Zephyr: Here I am this mid-July afternoon going home. And glad to be going home. Surely I care little about home and never have. Back to Nebraska to the hateful heat of summer, to work day after day, to monotony most would say. But glad! This long silver train makes swift passage. It is streaking across the flat Colorado country as I sit here alone. (Why should I be so near to tears?) The whole trip to Colorado is like a dream now. The whole thing drops from my shoulders now like a jeweled coat, and I lay it aside feeling I’ve never worn it at all.

The Yellowstone Park is something absolutely unique in the world, so far as I know. This park was created and is now administered for the benefit and enjoyment of the people. The scheme of its preservation is noteworthy in its essential democracy. The only way that the people as a whole can secure to themselves and their children the enjoyment in perpetuity of what the Yellowstone Park has to give is by assuming the ownership in the name of the nation and by jealously safeguarding and preserving the scenery, the forests, and the wild creatures.

Now I sit on the porch and watch the lightning-bugs fly, but I can’t see too good, I got tears in my eyes. I’m leaving tomorrow but I don’t wanna go. I love you, my town, you’ll always live in my soul. But I can see the sun’s settin’ fast, and just like they say, nothing good ever lasts. Well, go on, I gotta kiss you goodbye, but I’ll hold to my lover, ’cause my heart’s ’bout to die. Go on now and say goodbye to my town, to my town. I can see the sun has gone down on my town. On my town, goodnight.

I can’t accept the world the way it is. It’s too horrible, but I have to try to change it. My choice is either take it or do something about it — or try to do something about it. I think we have an obligation to those who have died and to those have survived. To try, never to stop trying to make it a more humane world. And that’s what I do and I ask others to do the best they can — try. And if we try hard enough and long enough, I’m confident it will come about.

As conditional love begins to lose its interest for us, so, too, may a number of the things we pursue in order to secure that love. If wealth, esteem and power buy us a kind of regard that will last only so long as our status holds, but conversely we are destined to end our lives defenseless and disheveled, longing to be comforted like small children, then we have an unusually clear reason to concentrate our energies on those relationships which will best survive the erosion of our standing.

The best thing about being a shepherd… is that you can reason with the stars. City people never look at the stars. But shepherds, in the country, at night, it’s different. Sometimes I look at the stars and reason. Does the world really exist? I don’t think the world exists, it’s just pretend. I think that when I look at a dead rabbit, too… the eyes always look alive… and they watch me, like when I look at a picture. I saw a picture once. And wherever I went… the picture was always looking at me.